I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
