wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
