it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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