i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
