Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
