Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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