I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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