Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
