i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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