Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
