my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
