it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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