The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
