I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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