so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
