My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
