just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
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I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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