??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
