batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
