She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
