What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
