I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
