we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
