the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
