it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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