Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
