i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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