All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
