Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
