you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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