I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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