hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Im part way to drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
