How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
