imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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