Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
