Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
