So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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