they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
