remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
