I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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