I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
