D3 body, D1 cock
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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