So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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