If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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