When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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