Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
