I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
