it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
