Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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