I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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