I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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