The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
