OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
