If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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