i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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