don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
