So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
