So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
