Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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