just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
