Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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