i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Small penises have feelings too.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
