She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
