he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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