Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I understand Curling. That high.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
