Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my liver is dry heaving
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
